I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
