? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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