Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think a kid would responsible me up
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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