So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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