He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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