I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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