The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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