he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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