Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
