oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
