he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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