Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize