I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
