there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
