And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
