Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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