He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
3pm strippers are depressing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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