so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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