I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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