after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
