Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
