new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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