maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
