Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
