My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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