I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize