He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
