This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
