Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize