I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize