East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
