apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
