i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
