i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
