he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
sex in a hospital.. check
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
