Pappa wants mamma naked
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
