Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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