they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
