i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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