Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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