As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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