May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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