Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize