I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
and you fell through a lawn chair
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
