No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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