I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
