she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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