There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
