I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
