I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
