It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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