i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
