I like to think it a success when the cops are called
home. puking in laundry basket.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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