does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
