I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
