another moral hangover. fuck.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize