It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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