People with herpes should wear stickers.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
