You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
