after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
