Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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