do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
