Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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