the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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