No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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