I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
