I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
