I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
