i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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