is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You did what with his pubic hair?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
