Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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