It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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