someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
