I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
