I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
