god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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