did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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