dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
