Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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