dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
