Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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